Friday, December 18, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
11/26/2009-Good Morning and Happy Thanksgiving
Its Thanksgiving Day, and I'm poking the keyboard waitning for time to pass. My brother in law Rich is at his house slaving like dog, preparing a huge thanksgiving meal for his family, and anyone else who happens to drop in. Two 15 pound turkeys, and a Ham, and his sister Kelly is bring pies.
I'll be jumping in the shower soon. My Son Shawn is gonna be there, as he has been for the past 3 years now. He's bringing his new girlfriend Maria.
My niece Susan wanted me and Chailey (my daughter), to come there this year, but I have been going to my brother in laws for probably 5 years now. I can't eat two dinners, I'd be in a diabetic coma. Not to mention she lives so far away.
Her husband doesn't find it important enough to spend it with her and their six year old delightful son. but, she's going to go ahead and make that dinner. Bless her heart. I have been down that road a few times.
Of course her own mother won't even entertain the idea of having Thanksgiving with her own daughter. Disgusting. That is one person who has no clue what thankgsgiving is all about. How can she give thanks, and have such burning hatered for in her heart. She must not know that God is watching. She claims she's Christian. Well, she gives new meaning to Christianity is she is. Hypocrisy at its best I suppose. The Devil has a field day with souls like that.
Enough about her, its Thanksgiving, I would rather give thanks, instead of throwing out negitive vibes.
bb
I'll post later.
I'll be jumping in the shower soon. My Son Shawn is gonna be there, as he has been for the past 3 years now. He's bringing his new girlfriend Maria.
My niece Susan wanted me and Chailey (my daughter), to come there this year, but I have been going to my brother in laws for probably 5 years now. I can't eat two dinners, I'd be in a diabetic coma. Not to mention she lives so far away.
Her husband doesn't find it important enough to spend it with her and their six year old delightful son. but, she's going to go ahead and make that dinner. Bless her heart. I have been down that road a few times.
Of course her own mother won't even entertain the idea of having Thanksgiving with her own daughter. Disgusting. That is one person who has no clue what thankgsgiving is all about. How can she give thanks, and have such burning hatered for in her heart. She must not know that God is watching. She claims she's Christian. Well, she gives new meaning to Christianity is she is. Hypocrisy at its best I suppose. The Devil has a field day with souls like that.
Enough about her, its Thanksgiving, I would rather give thanks, instead of throwing out negitive vibes.
bb
I'll post later.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
11/25/2009 Its a new day
Good Morning, most of you have been sleeping soundly, as I fight this sleep trap I fell into. I think tonight is gonna be the night, I push it to the limit. I have to get turned back around, I hate when this happens. Hopefully I will crash with the tides tonight.
Plus, I also need to push myself away from this computer.
Yes, I am an addict. I confess. I sit here all day, and obviously all night playing games, and surfing the web. I sit so long my eyes just want to shut down from staring at the screen. They get blurry, watery, and times they just burn.
I'm not real sure why I do it, I think it might have something to do with the voids I have in my life, that I loose myself inside this other dimension, we call a computer. The winter months don't help any at all.
I really get into Virtual realities. That is an obvious statement that I wish "I was somewhere else".
Once I find a social site I am interested in, I beat it to death. God forbid I find a virtual reality site. That's all I do.
I used to be on Excite.com, when they used to have one of the first ones available. I couldn't peel myself off of it. They closed down some 5 years ago, which left me wandering the net, until I discovered IMVU. There was one or two in between, but they were still under development and lost interest fast.
I do however believe the same people that ran Excite.com's virtual reality are the same folks that run IMVU. I see to many clues that suggests this. The same crashes are involved, the same management rules, just more developed. I think when Excite dropped their virtual reality feature, the developers there just ventured off on their own. Boy what an improvement. They still have a lot to go, but they have really come a long way.
I am taking advantage of the three D chat education they are giving me, and any member who wants to learn. For me, it captures my attention, which is difficult to do, since I am so ADD its unreal.
But, as much as I love that stuff, I don't want to be a slave to it. Which means I have to start pushing myself away from it. I even eat more then I did before. I smoke like a train. This has just got to stop.
Its going to take some serious self discipline on my part, but its gotta be done.
I'll post more later, I have to fight Mr. Sandman.
Plus, I also need to push myself away from this computer.
Yes, I am an addict. I confess. I sit here all day, and obviously all night playing games, and surfing the web. I sit so long my eyes just want to shut down from staring at the screen. They get blurry, watery, and times they just burn.
I'm not real sure why I do it, I think it might have something to do with the voids I have in my life, that I loose myself inside this other dimension, we call a computer. The winter months don't help any at all.
I really get into Virtual realities. That is an obvious statement that I wish "I was somewhere else".
Once I find a social site I am interested in, I beat it to death. God forbid I find a virtual reality site. That's all I do.
I used to be on Excite.com, when they used to have one of the first ones available. I couldn't peel myself off of it. They closed down some 5 years ago, which left me wandering the net, until I discovered IMVU. There was one or two in between, but they were still under development and lost interest fast.
I do however believe the same people that ran Excite.com's virtual reality are the same folks that run IMVU. I see to many clues that suggests this. The same crashes are involved, the same management rules, just more developed. I think when Excite dropped their virtual reality feature, the developers there just ventured off on their own. Boy what an improvement. They still have a lot to go, but they have really come a long way.
I am taking advantage of the three D chat education they are giving me, and any member who wants to learn. For me, it captures my attention, which is difficult to do, since I am so ADD its unreal.
But, as much as I love that stuff, I don't want to be a slave to it. Which means I have to start pushing myself away from it. I even eat more then I did before. I smoke like a train. This has just got to stop.
Its going to take some serious self discipline on my part, but its gotta be done.
I'll post more later, I have to fight Mr. Sandman.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
11/24/2009-How this day unravelled
Don't mind my spelling, sometimes its a bit dylexic. Well, thats because I am, so be patient, it helps tremendouly.
I didn't get up until 3pm this afternoon. Its already 8:24pm and it seemed like I never had a day, I hate when that happenes.
I jumped on the computer as I do everyday, but decided to surf and do other things besides my usual Facebook, IMVU, and play Cafe' World.
It was 5 o'clock before I knew it and my teenaged daughter was starving, so I fixed her some sloppy joes.
I finally ended up on IMVU where my niece found me. She always finds me there. I wonder why. She was aking about Thanksgiving. Poor girl wanted me to come to Thanksgiving, but my brother in law wasn't being understanding. So. I'm stuck at Rich's house on that day. At leased until they all start drinking and I get pissed then grab my daughter and leave. This is my holiday routine.
Unfortunately, I am surrounded with profound alcoholics. Makes it hard to enjoy a cocktail once in a while, when those closest to you cann't handle their alcohol.
The apartment will be full of kids, but the only one I can save is my own. The other children have both parents that drink profusely. I feel like a loner. Walking against the tides. I sometimes say, that if i don't loose my daughter to alcohol, that will be a miracle all on its own. But, I am fighting like hell to keep her educated, and communicate with her about it. I already lost her to smoking. She tries to hide it. When I caught her, it broke my heart. I almost gave up, but then a voice in my head said, "Gina, don't give up. the ship hasn't sunk yet. It could be worse. Just keep talking to her". So I do.
This Thanksgiving, I won't be including my older sister in my list of holiday calls. I have tried everything I possibly could to bring us closer as a family. Our family has been through hell and back. When I thought we were all beginning to heal, she flipped out on me and did the worse thing she could have ever done, is accuse me of something I didn't so without asking me about it.
Someone told her some time ago that I was writing things about her on facebook. At the time, my Son was staying at her house cause he had no place to go, and was trying to go to school, which was a feat of its own, since he suffers from learning disorders. The College of his choice was closer to her, so it just made more sense for him to live there. So, instead of calling me about this issue, she throws him out of her house and all his belongings on her grass. To me, that is SPINELESS. She calls it stubborn and proudful, I call it cowardly.
Noone could understand why she did this. Everyone who knew me checked all through all my Facebook posts, and found nothing that would have even been confused with me writing anything.
We had a family get together coming up. My brother opened up a Pizza Parlor. Everyone went there to celebrate. Her oldest daughter who she seems to hate, was there. Not too many even acknowledged her. They treated her like crap. Well, my disappointment turned to anger, my anger turned to rage, then graduated to fury, When I went home, I wrote the meanest thing I could write ob Facebook comments. Unfortunetly, it was written under a girl she raised who I used to believe was my daughter she adopted (I'm beginning to wonder now. I am beginning to wonder if she didn't trade my daughter for a different child. Because all my kids have backbones. This girl is spineless). I was venting my anger, and when I went to click delete, I clicked send instead. So they copied it and sent the copies to all my siblings. To be honest, I believe my sister wanted it this way. She made the comment several times, that she hated family get togethers, because they only lead to drama. Well, sure they do, if you allow it. The truth is, if I had, had half the chance, I would have said it all to her face, but I didn't have that option. But glad i didn't, because it was all out of anger, anyway.
Just to point out, because of her childish behavior, I was brought down to her level, and because of that, i washed my hands of her, and to that girl I once thought was my daughter, because I do believe she was the instigator of the whole thing from the beginning. I think she was the one that told my sister I was talking about her in the beginning. But, that just put just enough fuel in my sisters engine so she can sabotage all the progress my family has made, and she can go back into her own miserable world. Well, she got her wish with me, and so did that miserable girl. I have moved on for the most part, but now I am left with picking up the little peices of her own daughter, because she can't even love her enough to get passed her teenaged years. She just discusts me.
Ok, there you have my beginnings. There is more to come. I have issues that will go on forever. So enjoy.
I didn't get up until 3pm this afternoon. Its already 8:24pm and it seemed like I never had a day, I hate when that happenes.
I jumped on the computer as I do everyday, but decided to surf and do other things besides my usual Facebook, IMVU, and play Cafe' World.
It was 5 o'clock before I knew it and my teenaged daughter was starving, so I fixed her some sloppy joes.
I finally ended up on IMVU where my niece found me. She always finds me there. I wonder why. She was aking about Thanksgiving. Poor girl wanted me to come to Thanksgiving, but my brother in law wasn't being understanding. So. I'm stuck at Rich's house on that day. At leased until they all start drinking and I get pissed then grab my daughter and leave. This is my holiday routine.
Unfortunately, I am surrounded with profound alcoholics. Makes it hard to enjoy a cocktail once in a while, when those closest to you cann't handle their alcohol.
The apartment will be full of kids, but the only one I can save is my own. The other children have both parents that drink profusely. I feel like a loner. Walking against the tides. I sometimes say, that if i don't loose my daughter to alcohol, that will be a miracle all on its own. But, I am fighting like hell to keep her educated, and communicate with her about it. I already lost her to smoking. She tries to hide it. When I caught her, it broke my heart. I almost gave up, but then a voice in my head said, "Gina, don't give up. the ship hasn't sunk yet. It could be worse. Just keep talking to her". So I do.
This Thanksgiving, I won't be including my older sister in my list of holiday calls. I have tried everything I possibly could to bring us closer as a family. Our family has been through hell and back. When I thought we were all beginning to heal, she flipped out on me and did the worse thing she could have ever done, is accuse me of something I didn't so without asking me about it.
Someone told her some time ago that I was writing things about her on facebook. At the time, my Son was staying at her house cause he had no place to go, and was trying to go to school, which was a feat of its own, since he suffers from learning disorders. The College of his choice was closer to her, so it just made more sense for him to live there. So, instead of calling me about this issue, she throws him out of her house and all his belongings on her grass. To me, that is SPINELESS. She calls it stubborn and proudful, I call it cowardly.
Noone could understand why she did this. Everyone who knew me checked all through all my Facebook posts, and found nothing that would have even been confused with me writing anything.
We had a family get together coming up. My brother opened up a Pizza Parlor. Everyone went there to celebrate. Her oldest daughter who she seems to hate, was there. Not too many even acknowledged her. They treated her like crap. Well, my disappointment turned to anger, my anger turned to rage, then graduated to fury, When I went home, I wrote the meanest thing I could write ob Facebook comments. Unfortunetly, it was written under a girl she raised who I used to believe was my daughter she adopted (I'm beginning to wonder now. I am beginning to wonder if she didn't trade my daughter for a different child. Because all my kids have backbones. This girl is spineless). I was venting my anger, and when I went to click delete, I clicked send instead. So they copied it and sent the copies to all my siblings. To be honest, I believe my sister wanted it this way. She made the comment several times, that she hated family get togethers, because they only lead to drama. Well, sure they do, if you allow it. The truth is, if I had, had half the chance, I would have said it all to her face, but I didn't have that option. But glad i didn't, because it was all out of anger, anyway.
Just to point out, because of her childish behavior, I was brought down to her level, and because of that, i washed my hands of her, and to that girl I once thought was my daughter, because I do believe she was the instigator of the whole thing from the beginning. I think she was the one that told my sister I was talking about her in the beginning. But, that just put just enough fuel in my sisters engine so she can sabotage all the progress my family has made, and she can go back into her own miserable world. Well, she got her wish with me, and so did that miserable girl. I have moved on for the most part, but now I am left with picking up the little peices of her own daughter, because she can't even love her enough to get passed her teenaged years. She just discusts me.
Ok, there you have my beginnings. There is more to come. I have issues that will go on forever. So enjoy.
11/24/2009-Blog Writing
This is a new adventure I have begun. Though I have posted blog entries before on other sites, but never kept up on them, I think mainly due to my ignorance of what blogs are. I have finally surrendered to the "I don't care what their for", mindset, and decided just to dropload what I have rolling around in my brain, and call it a blog. I probably won't write everyday, but just when I can, or whenever I get a twitch in my index finger.
11/24/2009- Up all Night
No particular reason, was I up all night. I was tired, but fought it so I could play online as usual. I have a game on Facebook called Cafe' World, I just love. Before that, I was playing on a site called IMVU. I get on IMVU and I am on there for hours on end. Its very addicting.
I have been on so long my eyes are blurry.
So, I am currently brain dead, with some electroid activity sizziling through my brain cells. I'm breathing.
I finally started some activitiy on Twitter. I added some people to my following list. I learned you can befriend some prominant people on Twitter, and actually leave comments, that they JUST might read. How cool is that?
I was trying to learn how to work it. Its not complicated as I thought. I do wish they made it easier for Techno Dummies like me to change the profile color, mine is ugly as hell.
Great big yawn, I told myself i don't want to go to bed, but I may just surrender. Soon. Light up another cigarette, see how far I can push it. Rubbing my watery eyes. Eyes so blurry it's like looking through waterfilled goggles. Fidgetting. Listening to the dog snore in the next room; or was it the cat.
Earlier I found the Tweet Site of The Biggest Loser Bob. Then I found Jillians. I left a Tweet on Bobs. Im scared of Jillian.
I told him I have no motivation. I will wait to see if he answers that one. I won't hold my breath.
Well, I think i am surrendering, so, I wil post more later.
I have been on so long my eyes are blurry.
So, I am currently brain dead, with some electroid activity sizziling through my brain cells. I'm breathing.
I finally started some activitiy on Twitter. I added some people to my following list. I learned you can befriend some prominant people on Twitter, and actually leave comments, that they JUST might read. How cool is that?
I was trying to learn how to work it. Its not complicated as I thought. I do wish they made it easier for Techno Dummies like me to change the profile color, mine is ugly as hell.
Great big yawn, I told myself i don't want to go to bed, but I may just surrender. Soon. Light up another cigarette, see how far I can push it. Rubbing my watery eyes. Eyes so blurry it's like looking through waterfilled goggles. Fidgetting. Listening to the dog snore in the next room; or was it the cat.
Earlier I found the Tweet Site of The Biggest Loser Bob. Then I found Jillians. I left a Tweet on Bobs. Im scared of Jillian.
I told him I have no motivation. I will wait to see if he answers that one. I won't hold my breath.
Well, I think i am surrendering, so, I wil post more later.
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